The Louie Page

Dedicated to our dad, Louie Jasmin. Over the years Louie has become known as a very eccentric individual. Here are a few of our all time favorite original quotes from the man himself!

• So Louie lost his watch over the holidays and was bitching about it so much I must have spent two hours looking for it. Finally a few days after I was back in Madison I called (and the fact that he answered is amazing, because he usually tries answering with the TV remote and claiming the "phone is broke") and he said "I found my watch!"
  "Where was it dad?"
  "Well... it must have went up my arm..."
  So it was on his arm the whole time, just up by his elbow.

• What makes yer sumthin' so good? ..or some damn other thing, Calhoun!
  - Louie trying to remember the lyrics to Caldonia, by Louis Jordan
  (actual lyrics: "Caldonia! What makes your big head so hard?!?")

Louie's recipe for preparing a kindling log (found on hand-written notes in basement, March 2006)
• Mixed sized branches
• One 2 inch by 4 inch or two each 3/4 inch boards
• One paper roll of mixed twigs
• One small 2 inch by 6 inch asbestos wtf ?!#
• Layer of cardboard
• Sawdust container
• Propeller container
• Extra propellers if needed
• Tin foil
• Letters and receipts, etc.

NOTE: "propellers" are maple tree seeds, which Louie picks up in the yard one-by-one, sometimes as many as a "thousand a day" according to him.

• Well, it bitches me!
  - an upset Louie.

• For someone who's supposed to be so smart on some things, you sure are dumb on others!
  - Louie commenting how his technically savy, engineer type sons can do some really stupid things at times.

• You kids would forget your ass if it wasn't hanging there!
  - Louie's equivalent of "you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached".

• Jeez, you kids go to bed so late, you meet yourself getting up!
  - Louie bothered by the fact that his sons are all night-owls.

• You should have seen him, it was somethin! He had his testicles right on the glass!
  - Louie describing to friends the octopus at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

• You can't park there, that's CRIPPLE!
  - Louie pointing out the parking space is a handicapped slot.

• Boy! You really out-dumbed yourself that time!
  - Anybody doing something Louie thinks is stupid.

• Blow my ass!!
  

  OK, I'll try to make this long story short. This is second hand too. Back when you are too young to drive, my brother and his friend had to get Louie to pick them up at the theatre after a movie. Driving down Robert Street (the "main drag" in West St. Paul), a couple kids in a hot-rod cruised past Louie and kind of cut him off. Well, this "bitched" Louie, so he cruised past them, and not only did he cut them off, but he decides to come to a complete stop in front of them. Not expecting this, they of course tried to stop but rammed into him. Having always driven Sherman tanks, this did nothing to Louie's car. The driver got out and came up to Louie, shouting something to the effect of "Jesus Christ you crazy old man! What the hell are you trying to do?!". To which Louie replied by telling them "Blow my ass!!" and casually driving away! The last thing Joey remembers is looking back as they drove away and seeing the front of their grill smashed in with a small hole in the center of it, and Louie proudly muttering "boy! sure am glad I put that trailer hitch on!".

• the scene: Jeanne and Joey (daughter and son of Louie) are fighting at the dinner table
  Louie: "Why can't you kids behave?!"
  Jeanne: "Dad, this isn't TV, like Father Knows Best!"
  Louie: "I know, it's more like Father Don't Know Shit!!"

Following excerpt 2nd-hand from eldest son, "The Jimmy"...

• While up late one night watching the movie "The Fiend Without a Face" (probably on Horror Incorporated, a Twin Cities horror movie series all Jasmin siblings watched), Louie walks in the room and sits down. The monster in this movie, which looks like two brains with one tendrill coming off of it, is on screen. Louie says "What are those, testicles?"